Growing Up Great

From a young age age, I always felt that I was destined for greater things like, staying up past 2100 hrs., eating/drinking from my mother’s china, going to adult parties and stumbling upon Scarlet Ortiz, etc. This was the path the Universe had chosen for me, the universe because I had reservations about the all mighty administrator whose plans of everlasting utopia mostly revolved around the department of Israelites. Going to church was frustrating for me because for the life of me, I could never figure out why my mother had not figured out that the good news part was totally NOT meant for Negros from Kenya, all that plague-y shit was though.

Being the greatest in the family is not easy especially when your mother does not seem to care. I had asked nicely numerous times to be allowed to watch late-night movies and attend parties hosted by my elder sister, Lavender’s friends but for whatever reason my mother always said no so I decided to sabotage her desire to go to heaven by stealing my sister’s phone every night and loading up Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction at the Super Bowl, you see at that time, I did not have the slightest clue of the fantastical images (and videos!) that lay beyond Janet Jackson’s sunny nipple. The plan, however, did not have sufficient time to take root as the nipple and I were discovered by Lavender the next morning… awkward.

A few days later, after my suspicions were proven unfounded, I was able to re-join my friends in fucking shit up, thoroughly confident that they did not know what I did last summer…figuratively … we don’t have summers in Mombasa, Kenya but we do have seasons, just two though; the “could it just fucking rain already” season and the “whatever did we do to deserve a second biblical cataclysm season” strange names for seasons, I know, but totally legit. It would be appropriate for me to let you know that it was definitely biblical cataclysm season at that point, it had been raining all day and so my friends and I were each sat at the front door of our houses staring at each other across the rain… hopelessly, a picture worthy of background imagery hall of fame status but it was not long before the blank expressions turned into devilish smiles. 

African mothers have a thing against the rain, being outside while it rained was strictly forbidden (even in raincoats) oh but today our mothers were not home, they had gathered at some church lady’s house, probably plotting to raid a tea leaves factory or something, seriously, Negros have been shunned and shamed for not serving tea during unexpected “neighbourly” visits. Meanwhile, the lot of us had already made our way to an old abandoned and unfinished building about 500 meters (that’s about 0.310686 miles in Americanish) from our neighbourhood, rain meant a ridiculous amount of delicious wild fruits we call ‘Kunazi’ in Swahili, we collected the ‘kunazi’ in our short pockets and also folded the hems of our t-shirts to our accommodate more. Walking merrily in the rain, not a care in the world… well, only for a few seconds because in the misty distance stood large figures, it did not take us a while to immediately figure out whom the figures belonged to, it was every mini negro for him/herself as the figures descended upon us with the wrath of the Titans (not Olympians because they were our parents….see what I did there?)

My very short life flashed across my mind as my mother approached me menacingly, she had cornered me and thus I accepted my fate, I let go of the hem of my shirt and some of the kunazi fell from it, she caught me by the ears and read me the riot act all the way home. It was cold outside but my ears burned with a “fiercesomeness”, my butt hurt like hell but my greatness was still intact, no amount of wooden spoon related assault and battery was going to put me down. I would live to defy another day… preferably in a week or two, wooden spoons hurt like hell fam.

BEING GAY IN AFRICA

The most common question every single homosexual has ever been asked after "the big reveal" is, "When did you decide to be gay?" personally, I have run out of offenses to be taken with regards to that question, a better question, for all you heterosexual humans and in-the-closet homosexual humans would be, "When did you first realize that you were gay?" I am not saying that if you pose the question that way the subject of your interrogations will answer your question and then merrily skip away to ride the rainbow they parked right outside the building, but they would definitely not want to assault you with a club.
So, when did my homosexuality decide to let itself known to me, well I never really have a specific or satisfactory answer for this (based on the reactions I’ve got after responding). People always want you to have a killer story behind it all. It is actually the most amusing thing because you can always tell when this question is coming, gay humans can attest to this. They will always super prepare you as though they’re about to reveal the secrets of the universe to you (just once I wish this would be the case). A typical conversation would go something like this;
Friend : Hey Archie

Me : Yea?

Friend : I have a personal question, I hope you don’t get offended by it [super long pause involving a lot of “don’t be offended” pleas] okay, when did you first know that you’re gay?

Me : I’ve always known.

Friend : No, I mean like the first time it hit you, like that moment you knew you were gay.

Me : I’ve always known.

Friend : [Clearly frustrated] everybody has a first time! When was yours?!

Me : Alright, I’ll answer your question if you answer mine.

Friend : Deal.

Me : When did YOU realize you were straight?

Friend : It’s different for us. It’s not the same. We just are.

Me : All right.

Friend : So when did you realize?

Me : I’ve always known.

What I have come to realize though is that, the above concept is nearly impossible for some curious heterosexuals to grasp, it is like trying to convince a staunch creationist of Evolution, they just can’t wrap their head around it because all they’ve ever known is creationism. That is why you will often hear the phrase “gay lifestyle” being thrown around even by people who claim to understand that homosexuality is not a decision to be happened upon. You are a parent/sibling/friend of a homosexual who has just come out and you are struggling to understand how that person could be what they say they are. Let’s put you in an alternate universe, a mirror world, we shall call it Thrae, in Thrae being sexually attracted to a person of the same gender is the norm and fancying people of the opposite gender is the abominable sin punishable by imprisonment and even death in some countries. Let’s take a look at your life.

You grow up surrounded by homosexual couples, all the text books at school portray same-sex couples, in church, gay weddings all around but then there you are finding yourself ever so hopelessly attracted to the opposite sex. Scripture forbids it, the society rebukes it, your parents won’t even listen to news on the matter but there you are fully aware that you are one of them, you are one of those people your family detests and can’t stand the sight of.

You grow up and meet someone. He/she feels the same way. You can’t go out on dates; they always have to be private. Your girlfriend or boyfriend has been seen at your place of residence one too many times in, people are beginning to talk so now you must take measures, he/she must sneak in to your house during odd hours and you have to do the same. When you do find the courage to go out in public together, you cannot afford to show your feelings towards this person, simply holding his/her could get you both brutally assaulted.

You discover a club that is friendly towards your kind, straight couples, it becomes your spot but you have to be careful because the place is subject to police raids for one reason and one reason alone. Luck runs out for you, a long overdue date with your partner at your favourite club is interrupted by the police, The Government had promised the people drastic action against rampant heterosexuality the country, media reporters invited to cover the “event” are waiting right outside to catch a glimpse of every single one of you and make you known to everyone else as a sinful abominable creature. Your face appears on every single major newspaper the following day.

Still in a cell, your father visits you to tell you that they will no longer continue to support your education and want nothing to do with you ever again. You get out a few weeks later only to find that the landlord broke into your house, threw your belongings outside and put a new lock on your door, neighbours peeping at you, disgusted.

You try looking for jobs, constantly rejected not because you are not qualified but because they looked into you and found out that you had a sexual orientation different from the rest, at that moment you will settle for anything. Whatever happened to the love of your life? they bailed him/her out but you find out that he/she was immediately shipped out to upcountry where he/she was forced to marry a person of the same sex and live out the rest of their natural life in that relationship. Your friends won’t help or talk to you, your family wants nothing to do with. You are all alone with nowhere to go all because you fell in love with a person of the opposite sex, all because you’re a sexual deviant, no different from an animal… because you’re straight.

How much do you love being in this universe right now?

All of that, up there, is a reality for most Gay and Lesbian persons; we are forced to forfeit a part of who we are in order to be allowed to live. Your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, fiancée or fiancé, imagine a world where you could get killed for choosing or even wanting to be with them. It is a fairly simple concept to grasp if you open your mind.

Nature has never been monotonous, we have millions of species of everything, nothing on this planet naturally exists as a monopoly species, why do we, human beings then assume that we are not subject to the laws of nature, some will say, “no it’s not nature, in fact it’s unnatural” unnatural, my fellow humans, is a species lacking in diversity and need I remind you that not too long ago, being left handed was considered unnatural and abominable, in fact some people still think this so, even today, Inter-racial marriages were strictly forbidden -  considered unnatural.

 It is in our nature as human beings to evolve not just physically but also mentally and thus we are hopeful that a day will come when Gay and Lesbian individuals in Kenya and the world by extension, will not be viewed as lesser beings who need to be annihilated from the face of the planet but as people just like you, who just happen to be attracted to persons of the same sex! because literally, that’s all we are.